Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
