Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
