he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
