I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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