I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
