We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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