No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
