dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
