I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
