I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
