It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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