just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
