The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
