no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
