chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
