cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize