I like my sex mixed with concussions.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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