I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
