At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
