Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we're making bets on your personal life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
