i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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