I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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