Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Girls should come with a carfax report
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
