she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize