That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
