i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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