it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my shit smells like andre
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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