My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
