Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
