? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
