My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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