"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
