It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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