The brown eye won't let me do that either.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
