Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
