you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
