I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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