never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
