great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize