Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
