he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
