I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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