if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
