Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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