3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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