He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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