I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
