"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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