Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
