I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm lost and stupid without you.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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