Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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