i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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