and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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