We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
