it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
