I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
