Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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