I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
