Can Purell be used as lube?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
