Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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