theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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