Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
