there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
