I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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