god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
