He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
