White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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