i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
