I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
