I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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