I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
